David explores two UNBELIEVABLE stories of greed and selfishness!
Is there a special place in hell for offspring who steal from their elderly parents? Should offspring be required to take care of elderly parents no matter the circumstances? What steps can be taken to ensure that our families don’t end up like this?…CONTINUE READING >>
I’ve read two articles over the past couple weeks that show the full circle of the problem of Parasite “Kids”.
This is the term that we’ve coined for adult offspring that cannot, or will not, take care of themselves, but have not boomeranged back to the nest.
Instead they have mom and dad paying their rent, bills and even furnishing spending money for their recreation and vacations.
The two stories are polar opposites, but each reveal just how screwed up family relationships can become when adult offspring are involved. The first article really got my blood boiling.
Entitled “Children ripping off their parents at an alarming rate” (By Shelley Hadfield for news.com.au), the article tells of parasitic little brats in Australia taking their sponging to a new depths. They are actually stealing money from their aging parents.
“Powers of attorney are used as a ‘license to steal,’ elderly parents are pressured into signing over their homes, or money is simply withdrawn from their accounts.”
We are truly reaching new lows when family members can’t be trusted to have our best interests at heart in our final years. Should we have to consider hiring strangers to make our financial and medical decisions late in life just to keep parasitic progeny at bay?
“The problem has become so rampant that one senior citizen advocacy group now says that 39% of the cases it is working on involve financial abuse. But those numbers may very well be on the low side. ‘I believe the real numbers are … unreported,’ State Trustees manager Steve Cowell said. ‘It’s actually really common, but it does not get reported. The poor parents are so embarrassed about it.'”
The article points out that, “Most cases are perpetrated by close family members. As a result it is a very silent crime, and one kept very much in the confines of the family.”
Adding to the problem is an attitude from police and authorities that these are family matters and should be dealt with outside the legal system.
“It’s amazing what people do. They think mum and dad are old anyway, they don’t need the money, there’s $150,000 sitting in the account.”
“In many cases, the children feel they are entitled to the money because they will inherit it one day.”
There’s the key word, “entitled.” I don’t think this is something that just appears one day. These “heirs” have been taught this behavior over the years by never being denied. Now they think that they are more “entitled” to their parents’ money than their folks that worked and saved all of their lives.
As we have said many times before, parents who provide the easy way out – time and time again – are not doing their children any favors. This is the end result of that sort of coddling. Still, I hesitate to put too much blame on the parents.
Certainly these “kids” should be finding ways to make sure mom and dad are secure in their golden years. Nothing is stopping them from being decent and helping to make things better. But since they have never considered anyone but themselves for their entire adult lives, they don’t.
With that in mind, let’s take a look at the flip side of this issue.
In this story a 73-year-old Canadian woman is using an obscure law, from back in The Depression era, to sue her adult children for support payments. At first glance I was inclined to think, sure, why shouldn’t her kids help take care of their aging mother? She shouldn’t have to sue them!
But this story has a twist. Perhaps this is not a case of worthless, ungrateful offspring ignoring a parent, but a mother that is envious of her children’s success.
“Shirley Anderson, who recieves $1,500 a month from the Canada Pension Plan and Old Age Security, now wants $750 from each of her four kids. ‘Ms. Anderson has complained that her family takes trips to Hawaii as she lives in poverty. She first sued her children 12 years ago and was then awarded $10 a month from each child.'”
Still, I thought maybe these kids should be helping out their mother. Couldn’t they come to some sort of agreement without a lawsuit? Then one of the children provided this answer,
“‘I just do not believe you should have to pay when you’re left behind at 15 years old. It’s not right,’ her son Ken, 47, told reporters. ‘We’re getting older and we’ve got to retire soon. We’ve got two kids that we’ve got to put through post-secondary school, and having to pay her just takes it away from my kids. It’s just not right,’ he said.
That’s right, this woman dumped her own family when they were just kids, and now she thinks that she deserves $36,000 a year from them. They have growing children of their own, headed to college, but grandma doesn’t care, she wants to leave them in the lurch too.
Maybe we’ll have to come up with a new term: Parasite “Parents”.
Your turn: What do YOU think about these issues? Is there a special place in hell for offspring who steal from their elderly parents? Should offspring be required to take care of elderly parents no matter the circumstances?
I’d been following the controversial Abby Sunderland story with interest. Remember Abby? She was the sixteen-year-old sailor who, while attempting to sail her vessel around the world solo, found herself stranded in the middle of the Indian Ocean. Her parents took quite a bit of flack over the situation. I’d looked at this story from many different angles – and, as usual, my feelings were mixed.
The helicopter Mommy in me shouted, “What the &#*% were her parents thinking?!” But after calm reflection I saw things a bit differently. I too have a child with “dangerous dreams.” My son, The Boy, has been flying airplanes since he was thirteen.
I’d been following the controversial Abby Sunderland story with interest.
Remember Abby? She was the sixteen-year-old sailor who, while attempting to sail her vessel around the world solo, found herself stranded in the middle of the Indian Ocean.
Her parents took quite a bit of flack over the situation.
I’d looked at this story from many different angles – and, as usual, my feelings were mixed.
The helicopter Mommy in me shouted, “What the &#*% were her parents thinking?!” But after calm reflection I saw things a bit differently. I too have a child with “dangerous dreams.” My son, The Boy, has been flying airplanes since he was thirteen.
Sure, I’ve heard all the arguments – the most dangerous part of the flight is the drive to the airport (blah, blah, blah). Let me tell ya, when it came to plunking my junior high school-aged kid at the helm of a single engine plane, I quickly called B.S. on that line of logic.
When The Boy came to us with stars in his eyes and told us that he wanted to take flying lessons, my initial reaction was “ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?”
Luckily, David stayed calm, gently peeled me off the ceiling and we discussed a game plan.
As with all of our kids “endeavors,” whether it be violin lessons or rodeo clown school, we required multiple beggings to prove that we were dealing with more than just a passing whim. And beg The Boy did – relentlessly. So we agreed to one free introductory lesson.
Unfortunately, after the flight The Boy was hooked. In response, we upped the sneaky tactics ante to test his resolve.
I arranged for The Boy to work for a local pilot in exchange for lessons. I was convinced that cleaning planes with kerosene under the vicious Caribbean sun would diminish this crazy passion of his. Nope.
In fact, I’ve never been more disappointed in an offspring having so much pride in his work. I’d pick his reeking, sweating, smiling self up at the airport and listen to the glory stories all the way home.
I gave in. The Boy had found his passion. I couldn’t find a fear strong enough or an argument sound enough to tear him away from his dream.
My terror didn’t ebb as the years went by. I forced David and The Boy into a pact. I was not to hear (or overhear) any talk about these subjects:
–Stall training (also referred to as “deadstick” — nice, huh?)
–Flying under the hood (yup, wearing a hood to simulate flying with no visibility)
–Spin Training
To name just a few of many.
If we were actually going to do this, I needed to be blissfully unaware. And I did all right – for three years.
The Boy had set a goal to fly his first cross country solo at the earliest legal age, sixteen. Because we lived in the Virgin Islands, this meant allowing my baby to go up in a plane – all by himself – to fly a hundred miles across the two-mile-deep ocean to Puerto Rico.
It certainly didn’t help that a close friend of ours had recently died doing just that.
The Boy was the only chick left in the nest and, to add to my dismay, his equally horrified sisters, The Piglet and Decibel, were calling home at regular clips. “Mom, this is crazy.” “Mom, please don’t let him do this” and the like.
I appreciated their concern but the last thing I needed was this kind of fear provoking encouragement.
Heading to the airport, I was a calm-on-the-outside nervous wreak. I was aware that it wasn’t going to do The Boy any good to have a terror-stricken Mommy hovering over him.
I sat proudly on the sidelines as my son fielded questions from newspaper reporters that his equally proud instructor had tipped off – Local Boy Flies Solo on Sixteenth Birthday. This was, after all, a lofty and rare achievement.
So, like Abby Sunderland’s parents, I let him go.
And like Abby Sunderland’s parents, I got the scare of a lifetime.
The circumstances of what happened next are vague – I was so petrified that my brain can’t fully remember the details. At the time it was most unhelpful that I had purposefully kept myself ignorant of aviation lingo.
About an hour into the flight I received a phone call from an airport in Puerto Rico. The woman on the other end explained to me that The Boy had never “closed his flight plan.” They didn’t know where he was.
I did what most proactive people do when they can’t be proactive – I handed the phone to David and became comatose. I was incapable of comprehending any of the ensuing conversations David became engaged in. I just sat there like a petrified lump.
The eternity that passed was probably only twenty minutes while David and The Boy’s instructor sorted out the situation. It turned out to be a miscommunication between two airports and a phone call to the emergency number (ours), rather than the contact number (the instructor’s) on the flight plan.
Having gone though this experience gave me a glimpse into what Abby Sunderland’s parents must have felt when Abby was lost at sea. It’s not possible to explain this unique mingling of terror and guilt.
Where does the line between being a parent that supports a child’s dream and a parent that enables dangerous behavior lie?
I don’t have enough information to make a judgment in the case of Abby’s parents. I can’t know how hard Abby trained to make this endeavor possible.
Would I allow my own child to sail around the world by herself? Probably not. But then none of my kids are sailors. Abby’s parents would probably have reservations about sending Abby up in a plane all by herself. Parenthood and comfort level rarely coexist.
My guess is that, like my son, Abby was so focused on her objective that she did not engage in many of the behaviors that endanger teens everyday. I tally this on the plus side of having a kid with a passion.
The Boy, now 21, is in college studying Aviation Science and has spent his summer obtaining his instructor’s license. While I still refuse to listen to the scary stuff, I couldn’t be more proud of him. I’m also proud of myself for not letting guilt, fear and selfishness get in the way of my child’s dream.
My guess is that we’ll be seeing Abby Sunderland sailing off into the sunset again very soon.
Becca at Aging Insider calls us “5 Alarm Boomer Bloggers” and in this episode of her fabulous show, she says:
“Richard Branson says, ‘Screw it, lets do it!’ and this is a couple who is embracing that motto. The kids left for college and this rockstar couple left for the world… CONTINUE READING and watch the video >>
Becca at Aging Insider calls us “5 Alarm Boomer Bloggers” and in this episode of her fabulous show, she says:
“Richard Branson says, ‘Screw it, lets do it!’ and this is a couple who is embracing that motto. The kids left for college and this rockstar couple left for the world by way of RV. And when they are not in an RV visiting friends and family, they are on trains, planes and cruising thru this great big planet.”
How this fly-by-the-seat of their pants couple sold their house and travels the world
What happened when a buck deer decided to do this (13:50)
The only way to see Glacier National Park is by doing this (find it at 14:52 in video)
Why David thinks Becca will most likely end up in prison if she does this with The GypsyNesters (20:47)
Would you stay in a Panda Hotel? We did and we loved it!
During our whirlwind stay in Hong Kong, we were treated like royalty, stayed in a suite that looked like a movie set and ate the most amazingly delicious food.
When we began planning our stay in Hong Kong finding a hotel was the first task. Of the several we looked into, the intriguing Panda Hotel was our top choice – mainly because Veronica is crazy nuts about animals.
Though Panda Hotel is one of the largest hotels in Hong Kong, with nearly a thousand guest rooms, they most certainly managed to keep a personal touch to their friendly service, starting with our jet-lagged arrival.
We were greeted warmly and the check-in was fast, efficient and personalized. VERY welcome after a sixteen hour flight.
That first night we basically collapsed into bed, but the next day we got to know the Panda.
The iconic namesake “bears” are everywhere… one might even call it Panda-monium! Actually, quite fittingly, Pandamonium is the name of the gift shop.
The lighthearted atmosphere continued in our Transformer-themed suite. Based on the movie series and the Hasbro toys, the room was sleek, shiny and futuristic.
We felt like we were sleeping on a movie set – a REALLY comfortable movie set. Like the rest of the hotel, every need we had was met – and then some.
We had a high-tech coffee machine at the waiting in the mornings and fluffy terry cloth robes and towels were most appreciated at night after running around Hong Kong like maniacs.
But as fun as the whimsical decor of the lobby area and our Transformer suite was, the service was serious.
The Panda staff went out of their way to be sure our stay in Hong Kong was perfect – we tapped into their vast knowledge of the city, receiving sightseeing tips, restaurant suggestions and transportation hints.
When we needed a taxi, we were given cards with tailor-made, handwritten Chinese translations to give to our drivers, insuring worry-free travels about the city.
Our days began in the Panda Café, where we poured over our guidebooks and maps, charting out our upcoming adventures.
Breakfast was served buffet-style and included dim sum, a ramen station, as well as western world favorites.
When we came “home” exhausted from our sightseeing, the buffets offered a sensational selection of appetizers, soups, main entrées and desserts well into the night. The seafood was amazing – carefully prepared works of art, each morsel.
As suited as the Panda Café was for exhausted-GypsyNester, casual dining, we wanted a special night on the town on our final evening in Hong Kong. That’s where the fabulous YinYue filled the bill.
On the top of the high-rise hotel, YinYue commands dazzling panoramic view of the world’s most vertical city through floor-to-ceiling windows.
We were more than happy to let the chef decide our culinary fate, so we ordered the special menu.
Each course arrived at the table with flair and elegance. We even got to try jellyfish!
Follow along LIVE with us as we discover China, South Korea and Japan. We’ll be bring you The Great Wall and Forbidden City in Beijing, Dalian, Busan, Nagasaki and all the fabulous entertainment, the activities, the food and fun aboard the ms Volendam!…CONTINUE READING >>
Time to check off a big bucket list item today as we head to The Great Wall of China about an hour outside the capital city of Beijing.
The section of the wall that we are visiting is actually only one piece in the series of several walls begun several centuries Before Christ and built over a span of nearly two thousand years by many different emperors. Combined these make up what is known as The Great Wall.
During The Ming Dynasty, in the mid 1300s until the late 1500s, this part of the fortification was built to protect the seat of power from the Mongols to the north. Then after the fall of the dynasty in 1644, the wall was deemed unnecessary and left to decay.
Over the next few centuries it had nearly fallen apart until restoration was undertaken in 1984. Because of those efforts we found this incredible landmark in condition to climb hundreds of feet up the incredibly steep side of the mountain, where we got amazing views of the world’s most famous wall on both sides of the valley.
From The Great Wall we head back into Beijing to the Summer Palace and the Garden of Cultivated Harmony. The palace and man-made lake it overlooks, were built around 1750 by the Emperor Qianlong during the Qing Dynasty, which was last of the dynasties, as a birthday gift for his mother.
But 150 years later Empress Dowager Cixi made it home and proceeded to instigate all sorts of political skulduggery using her son, and later her nephew, as figureheads for her reign.
By walking about a mile around the shore of Kunming Lake and the amazingly ornate covered walkway, we got a great vantage point for looking up Longevity Hill at the palace. The landscape here is very flat, so the hill is actually made from the earth that was removed while digging out the lake.
Day two in Beijing, formerly known as Peking because of a mispronunciation by early European visitors, begins in Tiananmen Square. The square is the third largest city square in the world and gets its name from the Tiananmen Gate (Gate of Heavenly Peace) on its north side, that separates it from the Forbidden City.
An interesting tidbit we learned from our guide… there is an artist who’s only job is to make sure that the iconic picture of Chairman Mao is always in perfect condition.
In the Forbidden City we are blown away immediately. The incredible architecture is mostly wooden, but the massive doors at each gate are made of solid stone.
As we pass through each successive gate it just gets more and more incredible. Covering some two hundred and fifty acres, the complex is truly enormous.
The name comes from the fact that everyone except the emperor’s wives, concubines, and eunuchs were forbidden from entering.
Finally we make it through to the emperor’s palace behind the ninth gate, it certainly looks like it was good to be emperor.
In the afternoon, we head over to the Temple of Heaven in the southern part of the capital city.
A Heavenly Temple
The most famous of the temples is the Hall of Prayer for Good Harvests, which is said to be the largest wooden building in the world that is constructed without using any nails. Fantastic.
Our last port of call in China, Dalian, is a northern port city that reflects a history from Russian and Japanese occupation.
Historically a part of Manchuria, we found many different and exciting foods. We came upon a downtown market place where boiling broth is used to cook noodles, vegetables and seafoods that are served into bowls while sitting at a tiny kiosk.
WATCH: The best street food we’ve ever had!
By pointing, nodding, and gesturing we managed to get all sorts of fantastic tidbits into our bowls.
When the bill for this absolutely unbelievable meal came we thought there must have been some mistake, twenty yuan, about three dollars for both of us, including drinks!
After three glorious days of seeing the wonders of China, we are more than ready for a restful day at sea while heading to South Korea.
As comfy as our stateroom is, we’ve found some fantastic places on the ship to rest our tired feet, relax our awed minds or stay in touch with the world and loved ones.
The Explorations Cafe offers computers with free access to The New York Times, or connect to email and websites through the ship’s wifi. And like any good internet cafe, there is a complete coffee bar to keep us surfers properly caffeinated.
There are also seminars in The Digital Workshop with tips on everything from the latest version of Windows to making the most of the loads of photos and videos everyone is shooting.
In the afternoon on days when we aren’t in port, the showroom dancers and members of the crew team up with passengers for Dancing With The Stars on the high seas.
Our evenings are spent in the Crow’s Nest – the highest and most forward spot on the Volendam – the perfect place for watching the sunset in comfy chairs through the floor-to-ceiling windows. We’ve gathered a group of fantastic regulars here, sharing an evening cocktail and our day’s experiences, then matching wits against other groups in the surprisingly spirited ongoing trivia matches.
Ready for another formal night, we got a perfect spot in the elegant Rotterdam Dining Room for another fantastic meal.
After dinner, we make our escape to our stateroom.
This little guy was waiting to greet us when we got back to our cabin. Who knew there were elephants in these waters?
DAY THIRTEEN: Something’s Fishy in Busan
Busan is the busiest port in South Korea and fishing is a big part of all of this maritime activity. This has led to one of the biggest fish markets in all of Asia. We couldn’t think of a better place to start our day.
The enormous Jagalchi indoor market covers three floors but the fish selling spills out into the surrounding streets too.
Both inside and out are jam packed with every sort of sea creature imaginable, many that we not only had never seen before, but we couldn’t even begin to identify.
The second floor also houses a traditional restaurant – complete with no shoes allowed – that serves up freshly caught specialties. Where else could we dream of having lunch?
Nagasaki, Japan is no doubt best known as the site of the second atomic bombing on August 9, 1945. This is commemorated at The Peace Garden which is dominated by a large statue of a man pointing skyward, where the bomb came from, and the other arm extended in a sign of peace. His eyes are closed in prayer.
We walked through the park from the Fountain of Peace past the many artistic gifts sent from countries around the world proclaiming the hope that these horrible weapons will never be used again.
Water is used as a poignant part of the park because the casualties of the bombing suffered unbearable thirst.
This quote from a young victim really brought the suffering life for us, “I was thirsty beyond endurance. There was something oily on the surface of the water, but I wanted water so badly that I drank it just as it was.”
Near the epicenter stood the Urakami Cathedral, one of the biggest Catholic churches in Asia. Even though it was mostly reduced to rubble several of the statues survived and are on display.
After visiting the church we spent several hours in the Atomic Bomb Museum documenting the devastation and suffering in heart-wrenching detail that defies description.
Clocks forever stopped at 11:02 are a stark reminder of how time stood still for the people of Nagasaki on that fateful day.
A few kilometers south of ground zero, where the devastation was less severe, some of the older structures remain. Since we were getting a little hungry we headed to Shinchi Chinatown, the oldest Chinatown in Japan, where street food is king.
Of the several dishes unique to Nagasaki, such as champon and saraudon, our favorite was kakuni-manju, a slice of barbecued pork on a folded steamed bun.
About a dozen old stone bridges span the Nakashimagawa River in the old part of the city a few blocks away from the Chinatown. The most famous of these, Spectacles Bridge, dates back to 1634. The unusual name comes from the way the arches reflect in the water which, from the right vantage point, looks like a pair of eyeglasses.
As we climbed back aboard the ship for our last time, a group from a local high school gave us quite a send off with traditional music, dancing and dragons.
As we head to our stateroom for our last night aboard, a bit sad that our time on the Volendam is over, we are giddily startled by the most elaborate towel art we’ve ever seen! Hanging from our ceiling is an orangutang!
Making us laugh like this when we’re a bit sad proves in a nutshell the kind of attention that Holland America has given us throughout our adventure. Somehow our fabulous attendant knows exactly what we need before we realize we need it.
Our new buddy Oscar the Orangutang hangs above us as we sail on to Kobe, and the word is that our timing is perfect for seeing one of Japan’s most iconic sights. Tonight we dream of cherry blossoms in Osaka.
