Top Ten Ways to Scare Your Boomerang Kid Out of the House

Boomerang Kid

Ready to “get on with your life” but have an adult kid who needs a little nudge from the nest?

Do you have a Boomerang that seems permanently parked in your basement, and you feel it’s time for your chick to take wing and begin embracing all that life has to offer?

With tongues firmly in cheek, your goofy GypsyNesters have developed some silly (and stealthy) solutions to wink-wink-nudge-nudge even the most stubborn fledgling from the nest — and they may even think it’s their own idea!

10. Greet him at the door naked with a bottle of Viagra and a can of whipped cream and shout, “Honey, I guess we can’t use the kitchen, our baby’s home.”

9. Set his computer so all his porn and poker sites go to

8. Invite your friends over to have a party in his room, trash it and smoke all of his dope.

7. Buy him a chauffeur’s hat and start calling him “Jeeves”.

6. Hack into his Facebook page and change his profile picture to a slug.

5. Say “I’m glad to have you home but I’m afraid dad might miss using your bed for ‘our quickies’ “.

4. Throw a bridal shower for his high school girlfriend on Super Bowl Sunday.

3. Decorate his old room as a nursery and say “Won’t it be great to share your room with your new baby sister?”

2. Secretly sprinkle all the leftovers with Metamucil.

1. Ask him to stay home one evening and say “Dad’s been awfully frisky lately and I’m worried about his heart. You don’t mind listening in on the old baby monitor, do you?”

David & Veronica,

Your Turn: Have you a funny idea to scare a Boomerang Kid out of the house?
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52 thoughts on “Top Ten Ways to Scare Your Boomerang Kid Out of the House”

  1. Keep the faith, my Internet friend, You are a first-class writer and deserve to be heard.

  2. I love anything and everything that is written well… yeah you got some good content going on there for sure.

  3. Of course, what a splendid website and educative posts, I will bookmark your website.All the Best!

  4. We kicked them out, moved across the country, then provided no comfort when they visited. We see them often, love them and remind them every time, “You’re not Welcome at our new home.” So far so good.

  5. ….start charging rent and have strictly enforced rules like : bedtime 10pm during workweek
    :weekly cleaning of bathroom
    :make their own meals
    He’ll make them buy their groceries.

    They are sure to leave.

  6. No boomerang kids here! 🙂 But I have to say, I think I’d like having her around right now. She lives 850 miles away and I don’t see her enough. I have a beautiful, successful daughter who has a wonderful husband and daughter. Wish I could see more of them! 🙂


    1. Certainly natural to feel that way, we are having a bit of it ourselves. Our youngest moved to Alaska. Still, it is great for them to have their own exciting, successful lives and we are happy and proud of them.

  7. I thought we were the only one’s who told the kids “don’t let the door hit you on the ass on your way out”. Your top ten made me laugh out loud. I just started my own blog and I am SO inspired by all of the great travel stories I’m reading. We’re selling it all and taking ourselves on the road with just a back pack and a rollie.

  8. Dang. If anyone’s kids were living like the kid(s) in this list’s description, I’d boot him out myself.

  9. Great blog! I like the idea of messing with there facebook. My girls do not even like when I comment on their post. One was going to de-friend me. Thank for helping me laugh tonight.

    1. Yeah, The Boy wouldn’t “friend” me until he was a junior in college. And, I agree, there is a fine art to commenting on their posts. Half the time I don’t want to remind them I can see what they’ve written! -Veronica

    2. I was never friended by my child! I was starting to think I was alone with the way my daughter hates me !

        1. Ah, what the heck. Make Jeeves drive you around while you are doing the Viagra and whipped cream thing. I’m betting he’d be moving out as soon as you got home.

  10. Genius. Sheer genius! Loved the viagra one. 😉 Might want to babysit colicky babies frequently too and hand them over when a diaper change is needed. Bonus birth control measures implanted and the desire to move. 😀

  11. “5. Say “I’m glad to have you home but I’m afraid dad might miss using your bed for ‘our quickies’ “.” *Chuckles* Genius!

    I have just the one daughter though and I cannot imagine ever kicking her out. :/ She is independent, so I scheme of ways to getting her back in the nest every now and again. *grin*

    Awesome blog guys!

  12. If the mother writes a contract which includes household chores e.g. yard work (approx $30 per week), clean the floors (vacuum carpets and mop kitchen and bathrooms), clean bathrooms, dust, etc etc) and pay for groceries (approx $100 per week), pay 1/2 of utilities (approx $150 per month) then living with the mother would be a reasonable situation. Also, the mother would have security knowing there are men around if anything should go awry. But, I would also include in the WRITTEN CONTRACT that there should be NO ILLEGAL ACTIVITIES ON HER PROPERTY OR AUTHORITIES WILL BE CALLED.

  13. My son actually pays 1000.00 a month and has his own business. Hes building a home and always helps us out around the house and yard.My daughter has a great job and took over my moms home after she passed. She paid all the back taxes and is fixing it up with a loan she took out.Whose in charge here?No need to put up comments about going to the door naked. If you brought them up right it wouldnt be a problem.Good Luck!

  14. I am seriously considering taking a job teaching English to businessmen in Japan. You can contract for a year, you don’t necessarily have to speak Japanese, and the kids won’t even be able to visit.

  15. Lol…love the ideas! We found frequent loud sex was the answer for us. Swear to God the kids left tire marks rounding the corner (snicker)!

  16. The boys always accused us of turning off the heat in their rooms. Stop doing their laundry or cooking for them. Up the rent.

    They have all moved out and are doing well.

  17. I like them all – but my favorite would be moving – then they can’t come “home” !!! Happened to a buddy of mine when I was was in the Navy – he went home on leave and his parents had sold the house and left no forwarding address !!! He thought his parents had redecorated his old room, and the new owner came downstairs as he was making coffee and asked him what he was doing in his house! I swear it’s true!

  18. This didn’t scare him out of the house but it did worry him a little. He went off to college and we moved out of the state–six hundred miles away. We sent our new address to his older brother but forgot to send it to him. He had no way to contact us. He spent his summers at his older brother’s house!

    After he married, and about the same time that our youngest son joined the army, we moved back to the same area.

    We didn’t plan it that way, it was just the way things worked out, but it worked.

  19. Too funny!!!!

    I’ll keep this list in mind if our kids ever move back home. Funny, even though the kids are all married and on their own, the idea that their parents are sexual beings doesn’t seem to have occurred to any of them. Talk about denial!!!

  20. Not that I would exactly recommend this, but when I divorced my daughter’s father after 22 years I let him keep the big house. When they boomerang home, they prefer 4 bedrooms and two full baths and 2500 sq. ft. of living space to my two bedroom, 1200 sq ft cottage.

    My folks accomplished a similar feat with my then 24 year old brother by moving from the city we lived in 45 miles out to a backwoods country home. My brother wasn’t interested in the nightly communte to meet up with his buddies at the bar so he finally got an apartment.

    Of course, being a pragmatist, my personal favorite way of scaring the boomerang kis out is to sit down and show them exactly how much they will be required to pay for room and board. No job, no cash? No problem. They can take over my weekly manicures, pedicures and full body (empahsize nude)massage, thus earning the equivalent of about $150 a week.

    the MAD Goddess

  21. I don’t know how to get rid of boomerang kids. If I did, I would not be telling you this. I have a kicker of a story. When my uncle passed away, we inherited his non-working son who then became homeless. This son of his had not worked since he was 19 years old. This son of my uncle my cousin was 48 years old, living at home, and not paying a dime. He now lives with my dad. I had to MAKE him go to work, but he only pays 250.00 a month. He has no desire to EVER move out. When my 85 year old dad dies then I am stuck with Roy. Roy was an honor student while in high school. Does ANYBODY have a story like this one? Email me at [email protected] if you have any idea what I can do about this mess.

    1. To first commenter: there’s nothing YOU can do about Roy as long as your father is willing to let him freeload. Once your father dies, it’s a different story; at that point, you can hand him a bus ticket to somewhere across the country and tell him to pack anything he absolutely can’t do without, that this is the last he’s getting out of you. Anyone else in the family who complains has just volunteered to let Roy move in with THEM.

    2. You aren’t stuck with Roy unless you WANT to be stuck with Roy. Be proactive and sell your place and find a small place to live that is only big enough for you (and your significant other, if there is one). When my youngest daughter graduated from high school, I sold the big four bedroom place and rented a little one bedroom house. So, there truly was no room for any of the kids to come back and live with me, plus I had the landlord “backing me up” because the house was rented to only one person and the landlord could throw me out if I moved someone else in there. You can’t change the “living with dad” situation, but you can take steps NOW to prevent this parasite from ever being your responsibility. Sell dad’s house out from under Roy when the day comes, and make sure he knows there ain’t no room at the inn when dad’s place is gone. You can do it! Start making your plans now. After all,what is more important: your happiness or Roy’s? You can do this if you really want to. Go for it, and be prepared to enjoy the rest of your life without a parasite stuck to your side.

      1. Re: the Roy issue. Why move to solve this problem? A much easier solution: don’t give Roy a key to your house.

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