Parasite “Kids”

Uh. Oh!

What’s worse than a Boomerang “Kid?” A Parasite “Kid.”

The Boomeranger returns home to rely on its host for room, board and Mama’s cooking, but the Parasite will eventually kill its host by latching on and sucking the nest egg dry while living on its own.

Long distance leeching, in a manner of speaking.

In generations past, it seemed like only rich kids acted this way, expecting their “allowance.”

We are now seeing a new breed — the middle class Parasite. These bloodsuckers have gotten it into their heads that the job of raising them never ends.

Many parents have concluded that they are helping these young adults and doing what’s best for them. Certainly wanting the best for our kids doesn’t stop when they leave the nest, but the best doesn’t necessarily mean making things easy. There are no shortcuts for many lessons. Offspring of every age have to learn to work for outcomes.

Our grade-schoolers would have never learned their alphabet or multiplication tables without long hours of effort. Sometimes they failed, picked themselves up, dug in deeper and, as a result, learned to keep trying.

A great feeling of pride was achieved when a goal was reached by WORKING for an outcome. Grasping the concept of reward for effort or repercussions for transgressions is impossible without paying a price along the way.

Hopefully we taught those lessons well, so why go back on them now?

Coughing up money for an adult spawn‘s monthly expenses may feel altruistic, but in reality teaches nothing but reliance — and not of the self variety. The leeching spawn learn to expect everything to be handed to them, while the parents learn that their retirement savings are disappearing into the pockets of someone who should be earning and saving for themselves.

It doesn’t take long for these freeloaders to become dependent on these funds. Many times they come to expect the money to the point of being belligerent about it — demanding payment and becoming downright surly if it is not delivered on the leech’s terms. Gratitude comes to a screeching halt. All respect is lost.

These Parasite “Kids” are incapable of respect or being respected. Peers and friends making their own way independently certainly have no respect for the them. Non-parasitic siblings resent this sort of extortion and lose all regard for their wombmates. The total lack of respect reaches Rodney Dangerfield levels, except it’s not funny.

Taken to the extreme, and we have personally seen this, Parasite “Kids” expect their bills paid into their 40s and 50s. How do you supposed this “kid” will get along in a few years when his or her parents die broke? Like a parasite, they have killed the host – never a good move – and everybody loses.

All good intentions aside, the parents have left their offspring completely incapable of fending for themselves. Even worse, these “kids” will have to learn how to survive in the real world as middle-aged spoiled brats with absolutely no work ethic. Good luck with that.

Unfortunately, much of the blame for this sort of calamity falls on the victimized parent. They have inadvertently rewarded this behavior through the years. Sure the Parasites, as adults, should know better, grow up, and stand on their own two feet, but who taught them not to?

The only hope is to rip off the monetary support Band-Aid before the Parasite becomes one of those despicable heirs who sits around on their oh-poor-me ass, just waiting for the parents to die. We can think of no outcome more tragic than our kids wishing we were dead, but unfortunately this scenario exists. We’ve all seen it.

We should add a caveat, gifts are different. Sharing the wealth with your children CAN make life better for them. The difference is in the expectations: bankrupting a parent by bloodsuck versus gratefully accepting an unexpected gift. An heir is much more likely to be a good steward and invest wisely having learned the value of a dollar by earning a few of them himself.

Life is hard. But one thing’s for sure — life is harder when one expects everything to be easy.

David & Veronica,

YOUR turn: You’ve read our opinion. What’s YOURS? Do you know anyone in this situation?

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75 thoughts on “Parasite “Kids””

  1. Thanks on your marvelous posting! I definitely enjoyed reading it, you’re a great author.I will
    remember to bookmark your blog and may come back very soon. I want
    too encourage one to continue your great writing, have a
    nice afternoon!

  2. My husband and I are retired and
    what should haven been a somewhat comfortable stage of life, we are barely scraping by on social security

    We have no one to blame but ourselves because although we saved for a considerate retirement fund, it is pretty much gone because we could never say no to our daughters

    Able bodied adults, they were spoiled from when they were toddlers
    They are enjoying our money –traveling , shopping, new cars , reveling in the high life

    Parents,please learn from our mistakes You will cripple your kids
    They will become narcisstic entitled adults who will not be endearing to many people

    One final thought: And don’t think it will be appreciated. Our kids think it’s kind of a joke that we barely scrape by and can’t enjoy their lifestyle that our money affords them

    1. Sorry to hear this sad story Karen, but thanks for sharing. Hope that it helps others avoid this problem.

    2. I guess I’m late in writing this but I need to ‘unload’… My wife of four years never actually lived with me as her leeching 23 year old daughter decides to have multiple relationships with out of work young males who prefer jail to fathering her children. I often worked away but when home would retreat to my property to avoid marital conflict. Several years ago I became very ill and took early retirement to have much of the money spent on my wife’s spending sprees to help her daughter. It wasn’t just the money, my soon to be ex-wife did everything in the household whilst the ‘boomerang ‘ leech sat idle staring at her phone entertaining her boyfriends who rotate in and out of jail. Each time we had organised and assisted her daughters independence she boomeranged back home running around town whilst my wife looked after her dear little girl. The granddaughter can’t sleep alone as her mother was too lazy to get out of bed to attend to her and kept baby in the same bed. So when my wife and I are looking after granddaughter we have to sleep in different beds. I had returned to work but do so long distances from home, conveniently my wife and her daughter organise looking after granddaughter when I’m home.

      .After 4 1/2 years I let loose, have moved out for the last time and seeking in vain to get an amacable divorce.
      I take a great deal of blame for suppporting my wife financially and physically in her granddaughters progress but finally realised nothing would change and mother and daughter are intermeshed in an unhealthy relationship that one day will jepeordise the granddaughter and her soon to be born siblings lives. I had it going to the home to find police hiding in the gardens or standing over my bed to look for the criminal boyfriends who my wife’s daughter sets up to steal cars for the thrill of it. Leeching from society in taking single mother payments.
      Who am I know..? A resilient decent man who has learnt about trust, respect and strength has being the cornerstone of a marriage. I’m happy again and next time won’t look at love has being the prime motivator in a marriage. I’ve taught my own kids to be independent through stern advice and on occasions tough love. The belief of ‘unconditional love’ and inaction as displayed by my wife is nothing more than destructive to a child’s progress. Although I’m hated by my wife and her lazy leeching daughter I love myself and that’s all that counts..

  3. I know many of you won’t believe this, but in many cultures, like India, they think that if you have a child that costs you money as an adult, you have bad karma with children. That is why, unfortunately, even having a female child is bad luck because they cost a lot to marry off. In these cultures, also Chinese, the true test of a successful parent is that as an adult the child is taking care of the parents and not the other way around. So I suggest some of you do some spiritual soul searching on your own parenting when you were raising these children. Perhaps you are very responsible for the way they have turned out. And now you are paying for it. Literally.

  4. My wife’s son (my step son) is 31 years old. He lives in Mexico, and my wife and I live in the U.S.. Her son got a university degree in Mexico in international business administration more than two years ago. For the last 8 years my wife has been sending him money in order to finance his studies and pay his bills, etc. (that is, supporting him). Since he got his degree, he has not work, and my wife is still supporting him. About 7 months ago he decided to change carreer; he wants to be a federal police, but for the last 7 months he has been stalling, buying time so that my wife keeps supporting him. I don’ see the end to this leeching.

  5. I concur. I have a stepson who is a parasite, always “oh woe is me, this, that, the other” – “I have no money, no girlfriend (surprise, surpise, she cottoned on later rather than sooner mind, but cottoned on nonetheless). He expects everybody to bail him out continuously and yet given absolutely nothing back in return. A selfish, narcissistic, self-absorbed personality that sent a member of his own family to a nervous breakdown. I hasten to add, that if he never makes contact again, it will not be a moment too soon. Some people refuse to be helpedm especially if that help is “self-help”. God only helps those that help themselves…. isn’t that the phrase? Well A. get cracking, stop expecting everything on a plate, because as sure as eggs are eggs, if you can’t be bothered, nobody else can. The work “parasite” doesn’t even begin to describe this piece of work…. some things are defintely best left unsaid.

    1. AMEN. I stumbled across your 2015 post in 2019 and the song remains the same. God bless you in your struggles(hoping they are better by now.). Thank you for speaking the truth, although it must be painful for you. I can relate more than I can ever tell. Carry on. ♥️

  6. it’s not just bad parenting, although i would not disagree that most of this article rings true to my ears. As the youngest of 3 siblings, i’ve watched my other two siblings leech off my parents from adolescence to adulthood (to this day in their late 30’s). Even at times I indulged in relying on my monthly credit card bills to be ”taken care of” (during my late teen years) but always in my mind harboring a secret shame of relying on my parents to pay my meager bills. I think there is a conscious, selfish decision in every child that makes, deciding to actively participate in parasitic behavior while others like myself grow out of it or were never really comfortable with the notion to begin with, even with the low-lying fruit ripe for the taking.

  7. I have a 27 year old son who lives outside the home; he didn’t finish college and my husband still paying his expenses. He keeps coming up with new business ventures to be funded, my husband keeps financing them; as soon as the seed money is given he appears to abandon the project and has a new project in mind, and my husband funds it. This has been for roughly 6 projects thus far. He also I am convinced fabricates invoices, from lawyers, from contractors; but my husband refuses to see it. It is a real problem and causing problems in our relationship. I don’t know what to do. I am sure he is using the money for drugs.

  8. Wow. First, I think you handled this very well indeed. Second, I agree with your pisition wholeheartedly, tho, as a parent of a ypung person starting out, it is indeed hard to stick to one’s guns. Your blog really helped me to do commit to doing so. And, speaking of bligs, as a beginning blogger myself, your always-polite answers have given me a template to follow myself. Thank you. And thank you for being brave enough to share this.

  9. Wow…you hit the nail right on the head! My husband’s nephew is a master manipulator of his parents…he could teach classes & make a fortune! He hasn’t held a job for longer than six months! By 27 you should be on your own, with or without college, but I guess waiting for your parents to leave you the whole enchilada is enough of a full-time job!

  10. Absolutely the best article I have ever read in my life. We often end up hating and resenting the 25 year old parasite who is still a 12 year old child in every way. The worthless loser of a kid is the just the result of gross negligent criminal parenting! The problem is the spineless,joke of wimp parent that allows this. As a spineless parent how in the name of God are you even able to look in the mirror at yourself? Don’t you feel shame for harming this child by enabling and absolutely destroying his or her future? Have some self respect and take charge of your home and for the love of God get some BOUNDARIES in your life! Read the book BOUNDARIES by Dr Henry Cloud as it will change you and may save your family tree and your marriage.

    Pathetic that we even have to address this. Absolutely pathetic!

  11. You are spot on with your article and the anger that it generated from some of the readers shows they don’t get it and are doomed to be sucked dry and both they and their parasite kids , as well as the rest of society will continue or eventually become victims because of these selfish people

  12. Reading and re-reading this post and most of the comments I’m worried and surprised at the lack of insight into *why* some adult children return home (or never leave). What so many have described in their lives, these ‘parasites’ (great way to think of your own kid, btw, no wonder they love you), is there mental illness involved? Post-trauma? I find it impossible to believe that so many parents have random kids who return home just to siphon off their parent’s souls – and no one considers the possibility that those some of those adult kids are mentally ill.

    My parents have been dealing with my younger brother’s presence in their home for the past year: he is what most of you call a ‘parasite’ because he lives off of them, will not find work or do what needs to be done to get himself together. He can be extremely unpleasant at times. No one likes the situation but everyone is aware of how bad his BPD is. My parents are the only ones who can communicate with him. They refuse to send him or let him be taken into one more mental hospital that never seems to do any good. They won’t abandon him to homelessness. I think of them as saints and my sisters and I do what we can to help support them and lessen the burden. This is what families do for one another.

    No one wants their adult child to be incapable of living and surviving in this world; and our attitudes shape how they will approach this test. No one asks to be born and we have a social and moral obligation to give our children the best tools possible to help them succeed. But not everyone is upper class or even middle class. In this day and age, more and more people struggle to get by and families come to rely on one another. Not because they want to, either.

    I’m sure there is a decent percentage of adult children who seek their parents help without becoming parasites: they pay their way, they pay back. Where are those stories? Where is my brother’s story?

    On a site like this, there is almost a hateful attitude toward those children who make your lives ‘inconvenient’ so you can’t go about living it up. Makes me wonder what some of those kids went through when they were little. Were they inconvenient then, too?

    By not showing a more balanced point of view with more considered stories by a diverse group of parents with various experiences, anyone looking for justification for their behavior here reminds me of, frankly, a parasite.

    1. Brian, thank you for sharing your thoughts. This post was written with able adults in mind, and, of course, not those with special needs. We, too, believe as parents that we “have a social and moral obligation to give our children the best tools possible to help them succeed,” as you said so eloquently.

      My children are my greatest treasure and, rest assured, I neither hate them nor find them inconvenient.

      I really feel for the predicament that you and your family are going through. We also have a well-loved special needs adult in our family and know, firsthand, the challenges and rewards. We sincerely wish the best for your family.

      Thanks again for adding to the discussion.

      – Veronica

  13. When our eldest graduated from college and had a job, we charged her rent. She was none to please, but paid up. She is unemployed now, so no rent as actively seeks a job, and contributes to the household in other ways.

  14. All you said is true. No matter stats, research, or any other scientific explanations. I am in that boat. I don’t know where I went wrong, after raising 4 kids, and only the 3rd one is a ‘problem’. He qualified in March this year (only apprentice with 100%) and in our country, once you qualify, you are let go and have to find a job on your own. Thankfully he is still at home (25 yrs old), but no matter what we’ve tried, and he has too, no jobs as almost all are BBBEEE, which means my son being a white South African, is last on the list to get a job. Now, it’s not like in America, where a kid can work multiple part time jobs and the cost of living is much cheaper than here. The banks were very eager to give him loans, credit cards, etc., when he was working, now that he’s unemployed he can’t pay anything back, and I’m thinking I’ll have to start paying minimal amounts back to the bank or he will be blacklisted. Unfortunately, as an apprentice for 4 years, he and not other apprentices, qualify for unemployment fund, so my son is at a dead end. I’m feeling it, he’s feeling it, and the longer he sits at home the easier it gets to not try find a job. Vicious circle. Every day I say I will not give him money for fuel, or to go to movies with his friends, etc., but I eventually land up giving him some cash, (just to get him out the house!) Thanks for this article, I’m hoping and praying that I’ll be able to now take a firm stand and say no to him, and hopefully, he’ll try harder for a job in the new year, (that’s if BBBEEE doesn’t stand in the way!)

    1. Oh Chantal. My heart hurts for you guys. I know nothing about the politics/job market in your country, so it’s hard to fully grasp the predicament you are in. BUT I am a mother and I can feel the pain you guys are going through. I, too, am hoping that the new year brings your family hope and new opportunities.

      Hang in there hun, Veronica

    2. Dear Chantal – I will be visiting Cape Town from the USA this December, and am connecting with other women for a sort of “women’s salon” while I’m there (topic to be determined). I’m looking to expand my “Women At Woodstock” community of interesting post-50 women to include new friendships and ties across the ocean. Would you be interested in joining us? Feel free to contact me at [email protected].

  15. The article could be improved by sharing a legitimate journalistic source or statistics on this issue. How widespread is this? That would make it even better and might calm some skeptics’ nerves. But for a person who wants to be a troll, there’s no convincing.

  16. Terrific piece! I see the beleaguered parents of these “kids” in my office weekly. Frequently expert manipulators, the “parasites” convince their parents that cutting off funds equates to cutting off love. Indeed the loving thing to do is to stop the enabling behavior and let the child experience the consequences of her behavior. Easily said, of course, but so hard for many parents. It often comes down to something very basic: If you’re being sucked dry by the parasite, it’s time to work on saving yourself.

  17. I have a sister who has taken “parasiting” to an all-new level. She has been siphoning and sponging off Mom and Dad for 30+ years….to the point where I am going to step in within the next 6 weeks and try to give my dear parents a chance to have some dignity left….but so many manipulative actions by the drug-slumbered sister will lead to possibly helpless denial by one or both parents. It is tragic and needs to be rechanneled.

  18. In our case, hubby and I are mid 40’s. Three older siblings and one slightly younger brother take turns being parasitic. Parents pony up and turn to us to pay the bill that they can’t make because they were taking care of someone else… so they are actually passively forcing us to support them. This is why we are giving our kids marching orders… so the same thing won’t happen to us.. again.

    1. I get where you are coming from. My DH has one sibling who has sucked his parents dry for 75 of everything (home and savings) that they have! MIL’s sister called DH this summer begging him to intervene. He told he has, but MIL and FIL will not listen. “That child (50 years old) needs our help! It is all their poor choices, nothing more. All family members know it. The in-laws are now very close to being out of money and I know they will turn to the one person financially stable: their son, my DH. They have taken none of his suggestions, so we are awaiting for the soon coming day he has to tell them “too bad” because like you, it means we are really paying lazy sibling’s bills by making everything ok for the parents.

  19. There is a big difference between a handout and a hand up and a safety net and a hammock. My kids are still in their teens. Our job is to give them the tools they need to function as adults now, not to support them 10 years from now.

    We will always be there to help when the need is genuine – that’s what families do help each other. But, if we allow them to stay dependent on us then we have utterly failed as parents.

  20. BRAVO!!!!! and THUMBS DOWN to the enablers!!! If I were an Enabler, I’d be posting Anonymous from embarrasment!!!! Great article and definitely on track as some of my friends are enablers!! They always want to hear/ask for my opinion then get mad, upset, won’t speak to/avoid me for days when I tell them like I see it!! But in the end they recognize it as the truth and come back around because obviously they do respect my opinion, or they wouldn’t keep asking!!

  21. I’m a regular follower and really love this blog…I only write as anonymous 3 in order to protect my identity as I prepare to get everything in order so I can leave my crazy life with parasite stephchildren. For 20 years, I’ve been “scolded” that I would understand “if only they were my own”. The writing was clearly on the wall from day one but I foolishly didn’t want to see it. Stepson refused to EVER hold a full time job–didn’t need to because daddy paid the way. While we never took a vacation, stepson and wife were always taking a trip.Stepson always had the new cars while we drove ours to the ground—you get the picture. Fast forward and now parasite stepson, daughter in law(both nearing 40) and 2 children live with us. Not only are we financially responsible for all, we are on call babysitters. There is never even a thank you–they have such a sense of arrogance and entitlement. Husband thinks we’re being good and loving parents as all our income(and now our retirement savings) dwindles. Husband has totally given up his life and thinks I’m selfish that I don’t want to give up mine…..You know that truth about things making an appearance when one is ready for them—this blog is one of them and has so inspired me to take the leap, save myself and lead the life I have so long wanted–really do some long deserved traveling!! This particular entry-and its replies-is such an extra shot of confidence…A million thanks….

    1. Thanks for sharing. Your story (and so many more like it) show why we feel so strongly that a parents job is not finished until their offspring have learned to be self sufficient. Helping and enabling are two different things.

  22. There’s helping your kids and then there’s pathologically enabling your kids. I suspect it’s sometimes hard to know the difference until it’s too late. It seems as though we did the former (judging by the fact that our 20somethings live independently and support themselves), but part of me suspects that “There but for the grace of God…….”

  23. I love this Article and its so true for many families, I just don’t know how some people have gotten to this point.. We feel very blessed that all our kids, we have four all young Adults now, two have left home two still living at home.. Only due to the high sosts of buying a property or renting one doesn’t match the wages that have dropped for a single person.. And our youngest son has a part time job wants to go into the Police Force, but there not taking on any new Recruits just now… We have faith in him that he will get there in the end job wise, and both of our kids at home will eventually sort out moving into there own home. And they are very aware on how Important it is to manage there own money… However that’s not to say we do help them all out at some point in emergencies… With having four Adult kids you can imagine that can happen a little too frequently some times.. We’ve just had our first Grandchild born in July our little Princess, Chloe-Louise.. Plus we’re helping plan our eldest Son’s Wedding, which cost wise is reather hairy… Lol :))

    1. Thanks for writing. There is a big difference between helping your young adult offspring get their feet on the ground and letting them take advantage of you.

  24. this made me love my mom so much more for all the times she hasn’t bailed me out. Thanks guys! But I must add that if us ‘late’ blooming kids NEED help, it is necessary to feel able, without guilt, to call the Parentals. I will say that I VERY MUCH APPRECIATED YOUR HUMOR!!! I literally laughed out loud (LOL) and called to share it with my mom. We both had a great laugh & talked about a lot of relevant issues. I appreciate your input. <3

    1. Lisa – wow! I couldn’t be more honored than I am right now. Seriously, I LOVE that I prompted a call to your mom and a good laugh! BTW – we’re with our oldest daughter right now and we shared your comment with her – her response? “Ohhh – so sweet!” Thanks for putting a smile on my face! -Veronica

  25. Lol, this poster (Anonymous) must be one of those parents who believe you must “give” everything to your child to help them, instead of raising them to take care of themselves like parents should. Hard work never hurt anyone, in today’s world this is lacking badly!WORK for what you want in life! Simple.:)

  26. WOW! Mrs. Anonymous was outraged? I was tickled and will probably dream about this post tonight! lMBO! Awesome post and reminds me of the sweet messages I share with my boys all of the time. I love it!!!!

  27. Firstly let me say, I would not have been as nice to Anonymous. They should go pray about it or something helpful like that.

    I love your blog and this totally matches my life. Thus I’m hiding it from my husband. I’m the one that can’t quit shelling out the money. AND you are completely right it does just make them more dependent, lazier bloodsucking, bank account emptying leeches.

    I know this! I’m working on saying, “NO” just not there yet.

    How do you follow this blog anyway?

  28. My son is a bloodsucker in his mid-20’s. Fortunately he moved out and is probably living off his girlfriend. Although we have taught him how to handle money, the lessons went in one ear and out the other. He tried get us to co-sign a loan, which we both refused (thank goodness!)

    I’m hoping he finds a rich girlfriend, if not any money that’s left after I go will be put in a trust fund, to be doled out monthly. Money runs like water through his fingers. The school of hard knocks has taught him nothing.

  29. Being a parent of children in their early 20’s, I have seen a lot parasite children in training and it is too bad. It is very difficult for your kids to not having everything they want but you are so right about how they learn and how much prouder they are when they scrimp and save! It’s called being a parent and it ain’t easy.

  30. I love this post. Like I told my own, “kid you gotta make it on your own two feet, we love you but you have to be your own man”. The posting shows a great sense of humor…. poor Anonymous likely has a 30 year old still in his bedroom from day 1.

  31. Anonymous is right: this website is not for him/her. He/she is ticked because someone called a spade a spade, but there are too many grown up kids that are taking advantage of their folks and they ARE parasites. Here’s the acid test: would you accept that behavior from anyone else? If not it’s time for some tough love, baby! Too many loving but misguided parents are letting themselves get used by the Peter Pan kids that never want to grow up, and why should they if they can get it all for free? If Anonymous thinks the writer of this blog is disrespectful, he/she is probably locked into the midset that they always have to do for their kids no matter what and probably has no idea whatsoever that the kids are being ten times more disrespectful to their folks than the writer of this blog could ever be, intentionally or unintentionally. I guarantee that these kids have no intention of ever standing on their own two feet: my nephew is one of them. Can’t/won’t hold a job, lives in dad’s house uptown and paid no rent or utilities for the past three years! Always has money for top line cell phones and video games, though……. He just started paying the utilities when dad finally said pay up or get out, but still pays no rent. By the same token, nobody can take advantage of you without your permission. I don’t have a dog in that fight so I stay out of it, but sure am tired of hearing about this continuing problem. Sure would be nice if both dad and sonny boy (who can make babies but not money) would grow a set, deal with the basic problem and move on. We all love our kids but we do them a disservice if we don’t teach them to function in the world without the ‘rents because someday they will have no choice. How’s that for snarky??? LOL Keep it coming, gypsynesters!

  32. I love it!!! Way too often these days I see adult “children” with thier hands out expecting what they do not earn.

  33. Forgetabout it!!! Anonymous cant get past the words to understand the meaning!! Sad but true,this is the new generation of our children.(and parents) It needs to stop! If it is a mental illness and diagnosed, Hello… “differant story” > duh… Other wise>> Unacceptable!! You hit the nail on the head, peoples eyes need to be RE-opened!! YOU go Girl!!

  34. I’m hearing that there are parents who call HR when their kid has trouble at work! That’s as bad as supporting them financially, if you ask me. When did it become bad to allow your kids to be independent adults? I don’t get it.

  35. Obviously you hit a hot button with “Anonymous.” My guess is the leeches have already sucked that one dry, which is why she’s so irritable in the first place. She just wants to make herself look righteous to salvage some sense of self-worth at this point. I think she should stop supporting the spawn and go back to school herself. Last time I checked, there was no such word as “irregardless.”

  36. Your anonymous reader does sound a bit tender…perhaps he/she is locked within the disruptive throes of their own uncomfortably parasitic situation, and is still living in denial.

    But, nevermind. We all need to be reminded of this, and be on the lookout for the weakening of will in the face of a child who says they’re trying sooo hard.

    This type of give and take behavior can really sneak up on you, too. It’s so easy to think you’re providing a small leg-up, only to realize later, after they find the cash to take a trip before paying you back, that perhaps their priorities are not quite in line.

    “Beware, be funny, but be firm” is our motto…repeat often for full effect!

  37. Relax Gypsy Nesters – the anonymous commentator lacks a funny bone. Irregardless, the situation you write of is nearing epidemic proportions and we empty nesters that still have a back bone must do our part to put an end to it.

    It has been made painfully clear to my adult children that we are not their wallet. Over the age of 30, they should all be able to live within their means. The problem usually stems from their spending on luxury items (expensive shoes, games, manicures, pedicures and waxing of private parts to name a few) and then believing that mom and dad will surely fork out when the rent is due. NOT!
    Check out my post regarding middle age and empty nest – about halfway through you’ll read my less-than- kind, very snarky feelings on parasite children (love the name you coined, by the way).

  38. Knew a “parasite kid” — a peer. Such a sad story. Always felt sorry for her mom, but her mom never set boundaries, apparently.

  39. Your response to the Anonymous post was just right I think. First, hiding behind “anonymous” says a lot. Second, there was a valid and right-on point being made within the snark and sarcasm, and it takes a certain willful misreading of things to not see it. Third, as one who’s been teaching this generation of the oh-so-entitled and intellectually lazy, I couldn’t agree more with your point.

    I’ve been enjoying the Gypsy Nester posts, both for content and tone. Keep it up.


  40. I love the last two sentences you said life will be hard my words are
    don’t handicap them by coddling your grown children. I totally get the essence of your message.

    I have two kids in college and for all their grammar,middle,and high school years I have been involved.
    (Very Involved) I loved it. Now
    that they are in college I have to back off. Be there more as a moral
    support. I was debating for instance to send some money to them
    for valentines day. I have not sent any thus far because this summer they worked for their spending money for the school year.

    I went ahead and sent a little something. I love my kids I’m there now more for moral support and sometimes a listening ear.

    I agree with you I want them to stand on their own two feet, be a productive, giving person.

    I do not want them to come home. I want them to fly on their own.

  41. “adult spawn’s monthly expenses …”
    “bankrupting a parent by bloodsuck …”
    “Ripping off the Band-Aid becomes necessary before the Parasite becomes one of those despicable people who sits around on their “poor me” ass — waiting for the parents to die.”
    “Sure the Parasites, as adults, should know better…”
    “A Parasite Kid is incapable of respecting himself. Peers and friends making their way independently certainly have no respect for the Parasite.”
    “leech’s terms…”
    freeloaders etc…??????????

    In my opinion, anyone who would refer to children in such a disgusting and disrespectful way (adult or not) is an emotionally bankrupt shell of a person. Irregardless of the subject why would you use such insulting and degrading terms? Each family works through their given situation depending on the circumstances…there is no one but God who have all of the answers. Of course I want my children to do well for themselves, guess what? All four of my children want that for themselves too. The situations you describe sound more like mental illness than what would normally be the dynamic between parent and child. Your article felt very negative and unprofessional. I will not return to this website.

    1. Anonymous said:
      “disgusting and disrepectful”
      “emotionally backrupt shell of a person”
      “insulting and degrading”
      “negative and unprofessional”

      Wow, Anonymous, when things are taken out of context they can sure sound mean!

      Snarky as we can be, our site’s focus is to cheer people on, to help folks overcome the sadness that comes when your kids leave the nest — and we use humor to do this.

      And you’re right, this site is probably not for you. Thanks for your comment.

    2. I suspect “Anonymous” is getting as much response as your article … but that it support in and of itself. And you handled it with grace and tact (and the proper suggestion that this isn’t the site for him/her. Us “regulars” understand (and ADORE) your snarkiness!
      Great article. I appreciate the gifts from my Dad when they come. I don’t rely on them, but they make extras possible. I enjoy giving gifts to my adult kids when I can. Doesn’t happen often, but it’s a treat when it does. Your point of reliance is the key. As usual, you’re spot on!

    3. Enablers and their dysfunctional children are on DR Phil show all the time.He shows how parents are destroying or have destroyed themselves and their children.His famous line is (How’s that working for you?)This article may hit a sore spot with enablers but is meant to help in the long run.

      1. Beat this — My 29 year old step son has lived with us his whole life except for about 1 and 1/2 years.he has never paid a cent of rent or helped with other bills.

        he has had many many jobs and once
        he worked for the airlines a good job and I drove him to work and picked him up every day. a 70 mile per day ordeal 5 times a week in the 6 months he worked for he airlines estimated miles = e gave me a total of 30.00 for gas – I finally had enough and asked him to pay for he gas an his mother got IRATE called me a cheap skate among other things

        he still lives with us an works now for the state as a. Corretions officer

        he has never been asked to pay anything washes his clothes 4 Tims a week and Doris them for an hour each time. uses the high speed internet – watches the 60 inch screen TV etc etc

        whenever I say anything to his mother she says why do you hate him so much.

        there is much more to this – his 5 ydr old son lives with us and I buy 90% ofthe boys clothes and food. yet the step son orders pizza a minimum of 5 times a week

        in reading this post I know most of yo will not believe I have put up with this for all the years NOW-I had let this go for to’o long but his. mother goes berserk if I mention his parasite behavior —-

        I am on SS and barely have 100.00 in my bank account at the end of the month.

        If I had any money I would seek a divorce lawyer…. so I put up with it and don’t cause a stir.

        1. my wife would get absolutely psycho if I asked him …… I am stuck in a bad situation and have” “mysel f to blame for not stopping this years ago but if I had I would have been thrown out on the street as I said I am on ss disability and barely make ends meet I have 3 Stents in MY heart – one hip replaced and the other in need of one

    4. You obviously have no experience dealing with problems like these. You sound like a highly arrogant person with a perfect life and darling kids if you have had any! I have heard people like you judge others when they never worked a day in their life…money came from husband…and yet those same people are in denial because they too have never earned a penny. Get off your perch and learn about real problems.

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