I’ve read that one of biggest pitfalls to having kids is that couples tend to forget who they were prior to breeding (though I personally think the the loss of perky breasts is high on the list). As a Gypsy Nester, one who is looking forward to life after kids, I thought I’d share a secret.
David and I offset this pitfall with “date nights”. Admittedly, most of our date nights were spent talking about the kids, ordering soda water to get the baby puke off my little black dress and worrying that the nanny cam may have malfunctioned. Difficult as it was to apply lipstick while avoiding chocolate covered toddlers — date nights were not to be given up.
Hint for newbies: If you must bribe the tykes to stay with a babysitter, bribe them with non-chocolate type treats — they are sticky, yes, but they don’t leave stains. Also bad: Pixie Sticks, Grape Kool-aid, breast milk after an onion laden lunch.
No excuses were allowed. If there was ever an excuse to bail on a date night, David and I had it: the projectile vomiter. As an infant, one of my children could hit a rented tuxedo from a hundred feet away. No kidding.
Here’s how we avoided the flying spew: The babysitter was hired to arrive two hours before we left. Then, making a huge deal of it, we would “leave” the house. While the sitter dealt with the obligatory screaming and yelling by the kid(s), we cleverly used the diversion to sneak back in. Then we got ready.
We always made sure that the babysitter was equipped with Pixie Sticks and onion milk so we could make a clean, unnoticed exit. Not only we were able to go to the party, but we saved thousand of dollars in dry cleaning bills.
Sex on date night was mandatory (I apologize to my kids in advance, I know how gross the thought must be to you). We found that it was very important to have sex while not wearing sweats and a kid pounding on the bathroom door. Also, if the soda water worked properly, I was always at my sexiest on date night. I was also sure to wear perfume, as soda water isn’t a magic elixir.
All kidding aside, every once in awhile we were reminded about who we were as a couple. When that happened, we were sure to point it out — we made a BIG DEAL ABOUT IT. Trust me, this is really important. It showed us that now that we are about embark on our new lives as Gypsy Nesters, we have a foundation to build on and, more importantly, remember what said foundation is.
Be advised: Every once in a while a date WEEK is also necessary. It takes at least five dinners to stop talking about the kids. This is the breeding couples equivalent to the wild weekend. Remember those?